You Dirty Shovel
by thegreatstoryteller
Summary: England goes to visit America, and finds something interesting in his living room. Warning: England smokes pot, and hilarity ensues.


Arthur walked up to the door of Alfred's loft, he knocked several times but didn't hear any sign of life from inside said loft. Arthur decided to check if the door was locked, of course, it wasn't. Alfred the ever raging twit he was had left the door unlocked. Arthur stepped inside the loft and glanced around the loft as he shut the door.

"Alfred" Arthur called out. "Dumb bloke wonder where he could have gone of to." Arthur walked a few more feet into the loft before he was horrified to discover his new loafer had made contact with a half eaten moldy cheeseburger. He yelped jumping back. :I don't know how I could raise someone who ended up so ill mannered and disgusting." he said completely dumbfounded. "Might as well make this place habitable while I wait for him." he walked over to the kitchen, careful to watch where he stepped. He rummaged through a few cabinets before obtaining a box of hefty garbage bags, and some latex gloves.

Arthur started with the burger he's stepped on a minute before, happily throwing it int other bag. He then went on to clean the rest of the room, which was made spotless thanks to OCD kicking in. He threw away a total of one hundred and ten half eaten burgers or wrappers, twenty empty french fry boxes, 16 empty Ramon cups, what was either a giant Oreo or a horrible moldy pizza and about twenty eight playboy magazines. Finally comfortable with the level of cleanliness of the room, he sat down on the couch. He was amazed he could actually see through the glass coffee table in front of him. When he'd started cleaning it earlier, he hadn't even known it was glass. HE could now see under the coffee table were a small wooden box lay.

"Say what's this" Arthur picked up the box and set it in his lap. He opened it, and didn't even know why he was surprised to find to filled with dope, and other dope related items.

"Honestly Alfred" he said rubbing his forehead. "I raised you better than this" Arthur was about to close the box when his curiosity got the better of him. He picked up one of the pre-rolled joints and put it between his fingers. These operated similarly to cigarettes, or so he'd heard. He glanced cautiously around the room.

"I might as well see what all the hullabaloo is about." he picked up a lighter from the box and carefully lit the end of the joint. He inhaled deeply and coughed as it burned his throat. He dropped the joint onto the table and the ashes broke off. He coughed violently, flem shooting out of his mouth. This reminded him of the first time he's smoked a cigarette, it had gotten better after that though. So Arthur picked up the joint, relight it and again inhaled deeply. He didn't cough as violently this time, and he could feel something in his teeth. He picked at it, only to find a small piece of what he was smoking. That's disgusting" But he'd already smoke about a quarter of the joint so he decided to just finish it off. Which didn't take long due to all those year he'd spent as a chain smoker.

Just as he finished the joint he heard the door open, and Alfred strolled in a second later.

"Woah, England what are you doing here?" Alfred asked. Alfred's face turned to shock as he noticed the open box in front of Arthur and the lighter in his hand.

"Hi, Alfred" Arthur said waving at him like a five year old.

"Oh, crap" Alfred said facepalming. "How much did you smoke." Alfred asked, dreading the answer.

"A full joint thingy, ya know, I feel pretty good." Arthur stated, his speech barely coherent.

"Have you ever had pot before?" Alfred asked walking over to Arthur.

"Nope"

"Oh, joy" Alfred said knowing what the next few hours would be like. He was going to have to keep a close eye on Arthur.

* * *

Alfred for the most part had to chase Arthur through his loft for the next two hours. Before he was able to settle him down on the couch, effectively hypnotizing him with a rubic cube.

"I've almost got it" Arthur said. Alfred glanced at the cube and saw that Arthur was peeling off the stickers and placing them all on the correct side.

Alfred rubbed his forehead and couldn't help thinking about how much Arthur was acting like he when he was a kid.

As soon as he finished with the rubic cube he smiled and tossed it aside. He glanced at Alfred and slide over to him, and wrapped one arm around his shoulder.

"Arthur, what are you doing." Alfred asked eying Arthur's hand which had began rubbing small circles into his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked with a goofy smile. Arthur sat there for a few minutes doing that with a look of pure peace on his face, and Alfred just looked really uncomfortable.

"Alfred" Arthur finally said. Alfred looked at him cautiously. Arthur scooted even closer to Alfred until he was practically sitting his lap.

"Arthur, I think-"

"Shh, shh" Arthur said putting a finger to Alfred's lips as he rubbed Alfred's back gently. "I've got something to tell you." Alfred looked at him, waiting. Arthur looked at him and in the most sexual tone Alfred had ever heard Arthur said. "Oh, you dirty shovel."

"What" Alfred said.

"What?" Arthur asked.

"You called me a dirty shovel" Alfred told him outraged.

"I don't think I said dirty" He said twirling a lock of Alfred's hair.

"Uh, yeah, you did." he said.

"Whatever" Arthur stood up abruptly and half skipped have danced to the kitchen.

Alfred sat on the couch confused. What was a dirty shovel? Was he imply something about his-. A loud crash in the kitchen knocked Alfred out of his thoughts and he bolted to the kitchen. He found Alfred sitting against the fridge, snacking on an uncooked package of uncooked Ramen noodles. A neon ceramic coffee mug was strewn all over the floor.

"Arthur!" Alfred yelled. Arthur looked up at him mid bite with the largest innocent doe eyes Alfred had ever seen. He sighed and picked up the pieces of the pieces of the shattered mug. He gathered all the pieces and threw them away. He came back to Arthur just as he was sprinkling the Ramen taste onto his tongue. He made a really sour face and started scrapping what was left of the taste of his tongue frantically.

"That's what you get" Alfred said. "Come on" Alfred pulled Arthur to his feet. He walked over to the sink and got him a glass of water, which Arthur greedily inhaled.

"Thanks Alfred, you're the greatest" Arthur said hugging him. He set the glass on the counter behind him and looked deep into Alfred's eyes.

"Dude, you okay." Alfred asked kinda creeped out. He got a nod and before he knew what was happening Arthur was giving a huge sloppy kiss on the lips. Arthur let go of Alfred and skipped back to the couch where he proceeded to pass out. Arthur on the other hand stood in the same spot in the kitchen for the next five hours, with a mortified look plastered onto his face.

**Hope you enjoyed this, I had a lot of time writing this. Especially since that whole dirty shovel conversation actually happened to a friend of mind. Her boyfriend got really high and then proceeded to call her a dirty shovel. She is still so confused about it. So as a shout out to her, here is your story Amanda. **


End file.
